I’ve been thinking a lot about trauma – how it affects us and how it’s passed on. Trauma nearly consumed my mother and, unfortunately, it was a major trauma that led to her eventual, slow and painful death. My mother…
My mother bit my thumb on Christmas Eve
My mother bit my thumb on Christmas Eve. A fighter till the end, as her body shut down she snapped and jerked and gasped for breath. I held her hand as I tried to control her kicking legs then suddenly…
For Mama
I’m hurtling towards the earth when panic starts to set in. I go to pull the ripcord of the chute. Nothing. I look behind me, there is no parachute. There’s nothing I can do. I think to myself, “How am…
I Think About “Where”
You were supposed to come visit us this past summer but were too weak to do so. “Don’t worry, you’ll come when you’re stronger,” I told you. But you’ve only grown weaker. Now I’m afraid you never will. I think of…
I’ve been thinking about Dreaming
Remember how back in January I said I was going to do a monthly “Thinking” series? Well I did two and then dropped it. Not that I’ve not been thinking but rather I’ve been thinking so many complex things that…
My mother is a warrior
You can come to terms with the fact that your parent will eventually die (and for some of us it comes far sooner than it should). You can prepare as much as you want but nothing can prepare you for…
Ten Thousand Hours
It takes ten thousand hours to become a master at something. If that is so then I’m a master at crying, though it feels I’ve been crying for ten thousand years. Just when I think there couldn’t possibly be more…
I need her to know just how much she is loved
For those of you who don’t know – my mom’s health has been declining dramatically for the past two years. Every time I see her she’s worse. As I sit here in the hospital (not even a month after the…