I’ve been unemployed since the end of April. This is the first time in my life that I’ve not had an active school and/or work schedule. I’ve been working since I was 15, spending every weekend working at the convenient store, waiting for the day I’d leave town and go off to college for a better future.
Even throughout college, with a heavy course load and extra curriculars, I always had one or two part time jobs. Summers were spent working full time. And after I graduated from USC I went straight into a paid internship, then straight into a part time job while doing shows on the side and applying to grad school. Throughout my masters I worked at a couple of part time jobs and then went directly into full time employment after handing in my dissertation. Like my mother, I am a workaholic. I’m not happy unless I’m busy.
So now that I’m currently ‘in-between’ jobs, you’d think that I’d be bored out of my mind, restless, and miserable. Although I have some anxiety about my future, I can say that I am content. In America, the right to pursue happiness is instilled into us from birth. But I think that’s the wrong way to approach happiness. For happiness is not a pursuit, but a state of mind. If you keep chasing it, then you’ll find yourself frustrated, not happy.
For so long I had pursued and pursued. Since I was a kid, I was determined to better my circumstances by going to college and making something of myself. I was always eager, waiting for life to start. But in waiting, I failed to realise that I had indeed already been living. And in waiting, I failed to realise that happiness comes from within.
What’s changed then? The most important thing to do in your life (doesn’t matter if you’re with or without a job) is to do what makes you happy. Theatre makes me happy. Collaborating with fellow practitioners makes me happy. Creativity makes me happy. Being apart of something larger than myself makes me happy.
Since the beginning of April I’ve been assisting director Andrew Shepherd of ACS Random for the soon to open production of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I haven’t AD’d a show since the summer before I started grad school. I can’t fully articulate how wonderful it’s been to be back in the rehearsal room. And with such a talented, open, and fun cast.
It’s only been relatively recently that I’ve decided to go into directing. Thus, this opportunity has given me the confidence to pursue it whole-heartedly. Andrew has complete trust in me, letting me work with actors separately. I’ve been very hands on throughout the process and have learned so much about myself both professionally and personally. But most importantly it’s brought me joy. Having a passion and the ability to live it is a true blessing – now if only I could get paid for it. But that’s what I’m working towards.
Being unemployed can also be absolutely soul crushing. I remember once when my mom was laid off, she said she felt like a failure. I thought that absurd as her being laid off had nothing to do with her abilities or work ethic, it’s simply a bad economy. But now I understand. Every week I send out multiple applications for jobs I know I’m qualified for (mainly theatre/arts administration and arts marketing). And every week I get the same emails, “due to the overwhelming calibre of applicants, your application is unsuccessful blah blah blah.’ It’s frustrating. That being said, I can’t help but stay positive. I have so much to be grateful for. And I know that eventually I will land the perfect job. I have loads of transferable skills after all.
So to those of you who are also chasing your dreams: Never give up. And don’t let rejection get you down. Keep those you love close for support. If you’re fortunate to have a passion, share it with others. Live generously. Laugh constantly. Always remember that happiness is a state of mind, not a goal. So, while I can, I’m enjoying unemployment. Using it as a chance to reflect on myself and what I want from life.
by 
Pingback: The Pursuit of Money |