Remember how back in June I wrote about why I was happily unemployed (for now)? Well for now has ended. I’m still happy and unemployed, but not so happy about the latter.
“Oh theatre! That must be fun!” That was often the reply I would get when I told someone my major. I started university as an architecture major. The looks of aww and admiration were in abundance then. “Oh my, that’s rough! you guys never sleep!” or the like were common reactions. Basically I got respect. But when I switched into theatre I got defensive. “Yes! Theatre IS fun! Because it’s my passion and I can’t imagine my life without it!”
If you know any theatre people then you probably realise theatre is a lot of hard work for very little gain. Well, monetary gain. But who goes into theatre to make money anyways? Most theatre makers I know don’t do it for the money.
I remember asking a business major once what he wanted to do with his degree: “Make money,” he simply replied. “Ok,” I said, “that’s nice but how?” “I don’t care, I just want to make money.” Then work for the US Department of the Treasury.
Money. I don’t understand the pursuit of money. To me, money is a necessary evil. Obviously it’s needed to facilitate the exchange of goods and services. But it also breeds greed, a cancer in humanity. Money can cause a vicious cycle of power, greed, and corruption. But it can also bring ease.
I sure could use some ease about now. I grew up watching my mom struggle to provide for us. Money, or lack of it, was a source of anxiety, fear, and buckets of tears. America is thought to be the land of opportunity. But it’s not one of equal opportunity. Money is opportunity, and people don’t have equal access to it. Our ideology is founded on the Puritan work ethic — anyone can be successful if one works hard. I find that difficult to accept. Yes, success is primarily dependent on the amount of work that goes into it. But why is it that so few escape poverty?
I grew up poor, but still had it better than others. And work hard I did. I pursued knowledge, not money, as I knew education would help me cultivate a better future. I think somewhere deep down inside I figured that if I was educated, I would never truly be poor.
As I write this, I am completely broke with thousands in student loans. Education isn’t free and has come at a price. I’ve got a BA and an MA and loads of practical work experience and yet I’m struggling to find a job. I keep doing odd jobs to pay the bills and working for free for things I care about (i.e. theatre). I sure wish I had some money. Or rather, I wish I didn’t have to worry about money.
I hate having to focus my energy on finding a paying job. I’d rather focus it on making theatre, volunteering for charities and causes, spending time with those I love. Inspiring the world. Making an impact. Lofty ideas and naive ambitions, but ones that are a core part of my being, and ones I won’t let go just to make money.
Now before I go too far the whole “woes me, I’m a struggling artist, boohoo” path let’s pause and look at my life at the moment:
I’m the first in my family to go to college, let alone to go onto earn a Master’s degree – and in a foreign country no less. I’m living in London, my favourite city. I have incredible friends and a loving boyfriend. I’m assistant directing shows and growing more confident as I build a foundation for a career as a director and collaborator. I volunteered for the Opening and Closing London Olympic Ceremonies which was a spectacular once-in-a-lifetime experience. All in all, my life is truly blessed. Except for the fact that I can’t pay my rent. Or buy food. But we, as are all life forms, are wired to struggle – to adapt and react to one’s circumstances. Thus, I will continue to struggle. I have the privilege of not pursuing money, but pursuing passion.
Life is not about acquiring things, or status. It is about relationships, actions and deeds. Generosity, kindness, compassion and respect. These are what I believe hold value. Too bad they have no monetary value, because I’d be among the richest. A part of me feels I already am.
Until I can pay rent and pay food just for that fact of being awesome, I’ll continue to do temp work and odd jobs – whatever I need to do to survive.
Being as stubborn as I am – I will continue to pursue knowledge and passion over money. I can’t help but think the world would be a better place if everyone followed suit.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you’d do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money. What are your pursuits in life? Could be family, art, peace, finding the perfect key lime pie. Anything, just share.
by 