I’ve been thinking a lot about trauma – how it affects us and how it’s passed on. Trauma nearly consumed my mother and, unfortunately, it was a major trauma that led to her eventual, slow and painful death. My mother…
I’ve Been Thinking About Trauma
I’ve Been Thinking About Bad Sex
My mother experienced multiple forms of sexual assault. She was molested by a cousin as a child, she had an abusive husband, a boyfriend who broke her jaw, and of course the most traumatic one of all – was raped,…
Processing grief into art
Last year in December, while my mother’s health was quickly declining and while I was in the middle of devising a new show I had a vision of a movement dance piece inspired by my relationship with my mother. It’s…
My mother bit my thumb on Christmas Eve
My mother bit my thumb on Christmas Eve. A fighter till the end, as her body shut down she snapped and jerked and gasped for breath. I held her hand as I tried to control her kicking legs then suddenly…
For Mama
I’m hurtling towards the earth when panic starts to set in. I go to pull the ripcord of the chute. Nothing. I look behind me, there is no parachute. There’s nothing I can do. I think to myself, “How am…
I Think About “Where”
You were supposed to come visit us this past summer but were too weak to do so. “Don’t worry, you’ll come when you’re stronger,” I told you. But you’ve only grown weaker. Now I’m afraid you never will. I think of…
I’ve been thinking about Dreaming
Remember how back in January I said I was going to do a monthly “Thinking” series? Well I did two and then dropped it. Not that I’ve not been thinking but rather I’ve been thinking so many complex things that…
My mother is a warrior
You can come to terms with the fact that your parent will eventually die (and for some of us it comes far sooner than it should). You can prepare as much as you want but nothing can prepare you for…
I’ve been thinking about Love
“It’s better to be single, than to be with someone not worthy of your love.” Wise advice from my mother. And being an asshole magnet, she ought to know. I looked down on girls who needed to always be in…
Ten Thousand Hours
It takes ten thousand hours to become a master at something. If that is so then I’m a master at crying, though it feels I’ve been crying for ten thousand years. Just when I think there couldn’t possibly be more…